The author is the protagonist, and the protagonist is in a place that resists easy naming — a mental landscape shaped by depression, anxiety, and traumas that began in childhood and never finished doing their work. The memories here are distorted. The revelations arrive with emotional force that is difficult to sit with. The nightmare has to be navigated anyway, because somewhere inside it is the hope that healing might still be possible. That the chains of the past might break. That there is still a reason to want to keep going.